It has been awhile..

We stay in the same spot not learning, 

not improving, 

not growing for who? 

Yourself or others? 

Who should you be doing things for? 

What should you be doing? 

What should I be doing? 

Just a short one.

Roadblocks

" The more we try not to see or think about something,

the more we actually notice them."

Listening to stories from my friends, listening to their life
- how they wish things could be better.

Can't help but notice or should I say... feel that they are just at a roadblock.

They were unable to tell how things can be better, 

they were unable to tell what could be better and all

they wanted was just 'better'. 

We heal by mistakes.

There is an endless number of paths one could take, 

an infinite number of people you could be and you could meet.

At any moment ... with a simple choice to determine it all. 

Yet, it's so hard and scary to make these choices. 

We ain't afraid to make those choices, 

we are afraid of repeating the past in the future.

But we don't just keep quiet because we are afraid to say the wrong things.
We never stop trying to walk just because we are afraid to fall.
We never stop eating just because we could get fat.

Even Rome was built on ruins.

Someday you're gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. 

You'll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, 

but your life was changing...

Haven't blogged in awhile, feels good to do so once in awhile. :) 

Choices

Read something on twitter and it wrote " is love a feeling? OR is it a choice?". 

Initial thoughts? Feeling. Love is a feeling. 

We fall in love with the feeling of love or the person that makes your heart flutter.

Love could also be a moment of passion.

All that I could link love with was feelings and emotions. 

However, this tweet changed my perception of love. 

"Love was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. 

It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing."

At some point in time, the feeling of love will fade, you no longer feel butterflies in your stomach 

or want to take that extra 5-10min to dress better to impress loved ones. 

The feeling is something that always changes, just like your crush since primary school up to now. 

Is it still the same one?

When things get tough do you stay and resolve everything? 

Or you just leave? 

Is it worth fixing and recreate or do you just want to walk away?

Everything we do or want to do is a choice. 

Today we make the decision, a conscious one just don't regret it tomorrow. 

So is love a feeling or is it a choice?

Old Friend

Hello darkness, my old friend

Caught yourself slipping back into the same dark hole? 

The same dark hole where all my blog post are inspired upon? 

Saw this quote " you write so beautifully, 

the inside of your mind must be a terrible place" 

How true is that? No idea. 

Maybe my mind is a truly terrible place or ...

The endless possibilities when you overthink. 

like the base of the ocean, 

dark, cold and barely breathing. 

Scars would never fade with time, 

you just learn to move on and look passed it.

Till, it doesn't bother you anymore. 

And often you might remind you of how broken, you once was. 

Subconsciously, hurting everyone that care.
Or are you secretly wishing that someone will notice your differences?
Or if someone will care?

Everyone will hope that you can completely move on. 

Will a simple smile sufficient to show that you have moved on? 

Or does it have to exist in other forms? 

Maybe fake joy? Fake all your emotions? Wear a mask?

How do you know? 

I'm not gonna lie to you, it isn't gonna be easy. 

And there will be some day when life sucks.

Distance

Day 1, 

The distance was negligible.

Finding all the reason to justify each other's disappearance.

Laughing at everything cause it doesn't create unnecessary quarrels.
Even tho things feel weird.

Day 6,

The distance feels oddly weird.
Used to having everything close by, but it isn't that way. 

Looking for things to do, keeping you out of mind. 

Cause out of sight, out of mind, I guess.

Day 11,

What if the distance between us just got bigger and bigger. 

I came out with one thousand and one reasons why this is happening.

What now even if I questioned myself a thousand times.

Day 23, 

Can things ever be right again?

Or distance is just a hurdle we have to face one way or another. 

However，I hope, things will get better even the slightest bit count. 

Or maybe all this are just in my mind and I'm overthinking it.

Day 30, 

Will this become the norm? 

The familiar face, sweet smile and warm hugs. 

Maybe the distance between was just in my mind.

Or does it exist among us? 

Finding things I can blame on, but really the only one at fault is yourself.

Day 31,
Was it the distancing ourselves bound to happen?
 Or just we couldn't have our priorities, right? 

Lost for words

3 Years ago if you ask me what kind of guy I want... 
I'll tell you a guy who is tall, have abs, good looking, smart and rich. 
Have the most cliche fairytale date with me, 
bring me out to watch the night sky or
have a picnic watching the sunsets. 

But now, the guy I want....
I need a guy that can deal with my mess. 
Someone who can see makes me see things from a different point of view.
I need a guy who will make me talk about the things that scare me.
Someone who will make me open up to him, a guy that would not give up on me.

You might ask, so have I found the right one? 
That guy that I want, that guy that I need. 
To be honest, I've no idea. 
He is just that someone I think about every night, 
cause I want to tell him how my day has been, 
what I ate today, how late I was for school. 

Sometimes I talk too much, rumbling about this and that. 
Sometimes I don't talk cause I can't my emotions putting them into words 
or even think of how I should text you right after seeing you.
They are like shapes and colours floating in my head constantly,
 never structured. But dust when it leaves the mouth never to be found.

It is okay not being able to express your feeling in words, 
appreciate him once in awhile the right one will understand what you are going thru. 

Take a step back, 

are you the right one for him?

Love again.

The second time you fall in love, it's different. 

In fact, it is different every time. It gets harder. 

The first time felt like a dream. Untouched, untainted by anyone. 

You accept love with wide open arms, not knowing that it could hurt you. 

"Love me more", slowly you get addicted to his love. 

And then it fell apart and left you shocked to the core. 

Reality hits you. You realise that people could be cruel. 

They can break your heart in an instant.

You realise that people could stop meaning all the sweet things they said to you yesterday. 

Now, in your second love when you go into it again, 

you are going to remember everything that you've learned. 

Everything he said today, might not last until tomorrow.

In which case, I would like some advance warning. Please.

Who dares to love anymore. 

When I look into your eyes, I fall even harder. 

You make me feel that love is not terrifying. 

Yet I'm afraid of giving you my all. 

I'm always tired, but never of you. 

Pain

Currently, having my favourite song on replay...

Thinking about what we could be if we didn't waste all these time 

doing all these stupid things, playing games and second-guessing one another.

Can I stop you from leaving? Can I stop you from going to where you wanted to go? Even if I told you to stay by my side? I doubt so. 

You want her, you need her. And I'll never be her. 

It's never easy to get over someone

Especially those that have always been there for you.

Half way around the global and all you can do is just talk about those feelings.

Hoping for the best.

What's the best for you?

Well, no one said moving on was easy right? 

Yet we always assume it will be.

Positivity kills? 

Why do we want to make everyone that cares and cared about you suffer 

in negativity, pain and tears? 

Sometimes, we catch ourselves slipping back into old memories 

and other times we are just fine on our own.

But you still try really hard to figure out what's right, 

what you are going to do.

Being a coward, hiding in the shadows secretly praying that you'll be fine.

Sometimes, we are in these constant fights with the brain and the heart,

trying to figure out what we really want. 

The brain: Walk away and find someone better

The heart: Just let go and fall in love again

Day, weeks and months have passed but you still can't decide,

even when we had one, we never had the courage to act upon it. 

Why? What's holding you back?

The fact that you didn't grab on to the chances given 

or the truth? 

Reflections.

Questions. 

Uncertainty. 

Never answered. 

Lost time can't rewind itself. 

Wishing that I could be 5 again, with a whole life ahead of me. 

Do not have to care about the world. 

" If you haven't lost anyone, it means you've yet to grow"

Maybe we all need to hurt once or twice to grow.

We lose to gain. 

Cause some lessons are taught through the pain. 

The pain that when we stare into the mirror, tears just roll down

and you are just left there begging yourself to hold it together

to be stronger tomorrow. 

And after all this, you realise...

You thought he was different

But hey, it isn't the first time you are wrong right?

Smile cause.

Roses wither away.

"You can either sit down and be depressed by the darkness of the 

night, or stand up and appreciate the beauty of the stars."

"Don't mistake salt for sugar. If he wants to be with you he will it's that simple"

"As long as we can see the same sky, breathe the same air, step on the same planet, ..."

They will continue saying that "then you and I are not impossible" 

but well in life there is many impossible things and hurdles.

"Sometimes you just need a good cry. 

Even if you don't know the reason why you're crying." 

Wilted

i was a flower to you;
you kept around as 
long as i brightened 
your life.
as soon as i started
showing signs of 
exhaustion and depression,
you threw me out
and replaced me with
a more beautiful and
longer lasting blossom;
one that made you smile
every time you walked by.
one that made your world
a better place.

i was forgotten.
wilted.
done

Even fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?

Have you ever wondered which hurt more?

1. Saying something and wishing you had not or

2. Saying nothing and wishing you had.

I guess this entirely depends on situation and personally preference?

For me, i would rather say nothing and wished i had.

cause saying my emotions and feelings would often result in me inflicting pain on others... 

So, I would rather keep it to myself.

Why drag the world down and suffer with you when you can do it alone?

The world has enough problems, don't create more.

It is scary what a smile can hide.

You can still wear a fake smile and tell the world you are okay. 

eventho, you are barely holding it together.

You can cry to your pillow all night and drown your sorrows in alcohol.

The world don't need more problems.

Smile and it will be alright?

Even when it is not right, even when it doesn't seems right.

Even fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end. "

choose what you think is right,

cause the best way of getting out is getting through.

7 out of 12

It has been really long since i last blogged things about my life. 

Like yah those monthly stuffs.

Soooooo, well i'm back on this page now bringing to you Jeanne's life on the month of July :P
Time passed so fast, more than half a year have flew past...

ANYWAYS, WELCOME BACK TO MY PAGE HAHAHAH.

Early July have really just been me working like 3/4 days a week. 

So yahhhh.

That day was innisfree first or second day opening... 

right beside Weekends( It is a sign to shop hehehe) 

Staff discount + Opening freebies hahah

Can't resist this minion happy meal toys so yah... 

brought happy meal which never fills me up just for them 

Life in a rectangle box is so boringggggggg especially during full shift 12 hours straight. 

LIFE? dun have one.

Studious Jeanne HAHAH 

What a rare sight.

Visited Edlyn at work with Poon after classes. 

Cause we were kind of bored. Poon was just dragged along :P

He actually wanted to go to the railway but i didn't know how to do...

Failattempt1 to go railway

7 july if i never remember wrongly, went to the railway with edlyn before her work... AGAIN

This time i finally made it there. hahaha. 

Director Foo, telling me where to stand, BOSSY MUCH hahaha.

i look so yellow... ;|

One day, she is gonna leave and you will be all alone trying to figure what you have done wrong. 

And when you finally understand what's wrong, she has move on.

Class photo taking day. Floral and/or white. 

Some supper hobo nights with stan as usual.

July, is a special month cause it is bro birthday.

We dun even know how many years is our friendship cause ....

We kind of knew each other in pri 6 but we were in the same preschool like same class...

Anyways, Treetop with bro :D

titanic wannabe at treetop 

Weekend with Rui, cause sec such cannot skip classes :P 

Met for lunch and off to work while he need to go soccer. 

There is just some customer you wanna bitchslap them...

 so this family kind of. Mother, husband and wife pregnant okay. Came into the shop to buy an owl bookstand for housewarming gift. (You can imagine it is big and heavy) somemore it was sold in a pair.  Brought that bulky big box from the bottom of the display, under many other items out to the cashier.

then they wanted it wrapped....

And JM was like "hi sir one piece wouldn't be enough" then they gave us the bitch face like we are suppose to wrap it in one piece....

Ohhya and also, after they look at the owl bookstand, they wanted me to grab a second piece for them. SERIOUSLY CANT YOU SAY IT EARLIER? You know how hard is it to get it???? 

Back to the wrapper, so they didn't want it anymore... Okay it is kind of common.

So we had to apply a no refund policy strictly exchange only. 

Then our manager never even update the wrapper stocks,

 some designs dun even have stocks alr still display. 

After making us bring out all our wrappers, making a mess at our place. 

They finally decided THEY ARE NOT GONNA GET WRAPPERS. MOTHERFUCK? 

Expected us to what tie ribbon all? YOU WAIT LONG LONG LA.

 Buy your own ribbon then I help you tie. So they end up purchasing a bookmark with ribbon to tie.

When I was trying to attached that short piece of ribbon on the handle of the item. 

The wife face literally  < without the smile la. 

Like omg. YOU WAN THEN TIE IT YOURSELF LA.

[RANT RANT RANT HAHAHA]

Old airport road >> bar with Edlyn and Stan 

GIC Fieldtrip?

The view from the windows, PRETTYYYYEHHH hahah

" I find it a waste to go to tanjong pagar area without dining in the many cafe/restaurants available there so.... to drurylane cafe we go! I've heard of this cafe before and overall, the review was good so i wanted to try it out weeee " 

Food was bad. so never gonna go there again.

after that we went to cake spade :D

 The first time when Ed say "CAKE SPADE" I heard "KATE SPADE" and I was like since when Kate spade sell cakes ?HAHAHA

YUMMMMMMYYY

Then some food picture hahaha.

Poon AGM. 

Friday = work day. 

so yah.... after AGM SCHOOL and SHIGGA... WORK.

Surprise visit from my bro with my fav kaya turnovers :D

Rui after his HFH session at vivo HAHAHAH.

head literally shaped like an egg.

Rise and Grind.

Yummy pasta, nice sides and good looking cakes that i didn't get to try :(

Study session with my "friends" who all pangseh me. jidangao !

After FA Exam, ASTON 

Free flow sides = mac and cheese, fries and drinks :DDDDDD

9+? SUPER WORTHIT HAHAHA

Found an abandon trolley so we decided to take picture with it. 

So yah, what's birthday without cake. Kind of fail.. 

We wanted to surprise her but Tricia came abit late with the cake then we haven move to table . 

If not it could have been perfect surprise. But then.... it was kind of obviously alr la. 

Cause that Edlyn took so long to buy a gift ...

CRAVINGS BKT.

My heart used to skip a beat every time I see you.

I tend to hide behind that strong front to the entire world and in front of you. 

I made a promise to myself but one night, i broke it.

I wasn't in the right mind but at least it felt right at that very moment.

Till Next Time.

Stay Happy and Beautiful.