Distance

Day 1, 

The distance was negligible.

Finding all the reason to justify each other's disappearance.

Laughing at everything cause it doesn't create unnecessary quarrels.
Even tho things feel weird.

Day 6,

The distance feels oddly weird.
Used to having everything close by, but it isn't that way. 

Looking for things to do, keeping you out of mind. 

Cause out of sight, out of mind, I guess.

Day 11,

What if the distance between us just got bigger and bigger. 

I came out with one thousand and one reasons why this is happening.

What now even if I questioned myself a thousand times.

Day 23, 

Can things ever be right again?

Or distance is just a hurdle we have to face one way or another. 

However，I hope, things will get better even the slightest bit count. 

Or maybe all this are just in my mind and I'm overthinking it.

Day 30, 

Will this become the norm? 

The familiar face, sweet smile and warm hugs. 

Maybe the distance between was just in my mind.

Or does it exist among us? 

Finding things I can blame on, but really the only one at fault is yourself.

Day 31,
Was it the distancing ourselves bound to happen?
 Or just we couldn't have our priorities, right? 

Lost for words

3 Years ago if you ask me what kind of guy I want... 
I'll tell you a guy who is tall, have abs, good looking, smart and rich. 
Have the most cliche fairytale date with me, 
bring me out to watch the night sky or
have a picnic watching the sunsets. 

But now, the guy I want....
I need a guy that can deal with my mess. 
Someone who can see makes me see things from a different point of view.
I need a guy who will make me talk about the things that scare me.
Someone who will make me open up to him, a guy that would not give up on me.

You might ask, so have I found the right one? 
That guy that I want, that guy that I need. 
To be honest, I've no idea. 
He is just that someone I think about every night, 
cause I want to tell him how my day has been, 
what I ate today, how late I was for school. 

Sometimes I talk too much, rumbling about this and that. 
Sometimes I don't talk cause I can't my emotions putting them into words 
or even think of how I should text you right after seeing you.
They are like shapes and colours floating in my head constantly,
 never structured. But dust when it leaves the mouth never to be found.

It is okay not being able to express your feeling in words, 
appreciate him once in awhile the right one will understand what you are going thru. 

Take a step back, 

are you the right one for him?

Love again.

The second time you fall in love, it's different. 

In fact, it is different every time. It gets harder. 

The first time felt like a dream. Untouched, untainted by anyone. 

You accept love with wide open arms, not knowing that it could hurt you. 

"Love me more", slowly you get addicted to his love. 

And then it fell apart and left you shocked to the core. 

Reality hits you. You realise that people could be cruel. 

They can break your heart in an instant.

You realise that people could stop meaning all the sweet things they said to you yesterday. 

Now, in your second love when you go into it again, 

you are going to remember everything that you've learned. 

Everything he said today, might not last until tomorrow.

In which case, I would like some advance warning. Please.

Who dares to love anymore. 

When I look into your eyes, I fall even harder. 

You make me feel that love is not terrifying. 

Yet I'm afraid of giving you my all. 

I'm always tired, but never of you. 

Pain

Currently, having my favourite song on replay...

Thinking about what we could be if we didn't waste all these time 

doing all these stupid things, playing games and second-guessing one another.

Can I stop you from leaving? Can I stop you from going to where you wanted to go? Even if I told you to stay by my side? I doubt so. 

You want her, you need her. And I'll never be her. 

It's never easy to get over someone

Especially those that have always been there for you.

Half way around the global and all you can do is just talk about those feelings.

Hoping for the best.

What's the best for you?

Well, no one said moving on was easy right? 

Yet we always assume it will be.

Positivity kills? 

Why do we want to make everyone that cares and cared about you suffer 

in negativity, pain and tears? 

Sometimes, we catch ourselves slipping back into old memories 

and other times we are just fine on our own.

But you still try really hard to figure out what's right, 

what you are going to do.

Being a coward, hiding in the shadows secretly praying that you'll be fine.

Sometimes, we are in these constant fights with the brain and the heart,

trying to figure out what we really want. 

The brain: Walk away and find someone better

The heart: Just let go and fall in love again

Day, weeks and months have passed but you still can't decide,

even when we had one, we never had the courage to act upon it. 

Why? What's holding you back?

The fact that you didn't grab on to the chances given 

or the truth? 

Reflections.

Questions. 

Uncertainty. 

Never answered. 

Lost time can't rewind itself. 

Wishing that I could be 5 again, with a whole life ahead of me. 

Do not have to care about the world. 

" If you haven't lost anyone, it means you've yet to grow"

Maybe we all need to hurt once or twice to grow.

We lose to gain. 

Cause some lessons are taught through the pain. 

The pain that when we stare into the mirror, tears just roll down

and you are just left there begging yourself to hold it together

to be stronger tomorrow. 

And after all this, you realise...

You thought he was different

But hey, it isn't the first time you are wrong right?

Smile cause.

Roses wither away.

"You can either sit down and be depressed by the darkness of the 

night, or stand up and appreciate the beauty of the stars."

"Don't mistake salt for sugar. If he wants to be with you he will it's that simple"

"As long as we can see the same sky, breathe the same air, step on the same planet, ..."

They will continue saying that "then you and I are not impossible" 

but well in life there is many impossible things and hurdles.

"Sometimes you just need a good cry. 

Even if you don't know the reason why you're crying." 

Wilted

i was a flower to you;
you kept around as 
long as i brightened 
your life.
as soon as i started
showing signs of 
exhaustion and depression,
you threw me out
and replaced me with
a more beautiful and
longer lasting blossom;
one that made you smile
every time you walked by.
one that made your world
a better place.

i was forgotten.
wilted.
done